Extraterrestrial Sadness

the other day i stepped into the "1/2/3" subway line and tried to make myself as small as possible next to the greasy, fingerprinted, kid slobber pole. I was trying not to touch anything except for the pole, which i was essentially only poking with my forefinger so as to minimize surface area in contact with said pole. i kept my neck stiff and at a slight bend backwards because someone's hair was getting dangerously close to my forehead (shudder). if there's one thing i can't stand, it's strange hair on or near my forehead. i can still remember the day i saw a tiny louse jump from sylvia beng's hair to debbie gold's hair in kindergarden. so if anyone knows of the dangers involved with strange hair to hair contact, it's ME.

anyway, that's not what this blog is about. it's about ET and feeling sad. let's continue.
everyone poured out at the 34th street stop and i had a little more room to move around, i.e. widen my stance to a wrestling pose (see pic) so that i didn't have to touch ANYTHING. that's when i noticed a bumbling, mumbling looking man cradling a swaddle of cloth. i almost expected him to look up and say, "hi, i'm lenny from 'of mice and men' and this is my rabbit. i am about to crush him with my love." the man was rocking the swaddle back and forth and i needed to know what was in his arms.

i casually walked over to him, careful to keep my balance (sidenote: i once fell into the lap of a man when the subway lurched to a stop bc i was poking the pole as opposed to gripping it as most people do. to clarify, i sat on him. to further clarify, i SAT ON HIM. the worst part of it was when i stood up, i realized that he had two broken legs. NOT FROM ME. they were like that already. but it was terrible. just terrible.)

"lenny" saw me coming so he snuggled the bundle closer and said, "...pecker". i recoiled in horror! he was a total perv! luring curious women to his lair and then muttering juvenile synonyms for a man's dingaling! then he said it again. "WOODpecker." oooh, a WOODpecker! amazing. i didn't even know that they existed in new york city, i said. he solemnly nodded. they do exist in new york city. and this one was dying.

when i saw the tiny, barely born bird, I felt an awful sad nostalgia wash over me. because once, when my brother and i were young, we saw a small figurine on the asphalt outside of baskin robbins (always got bubble gum ice cream, spat out bubble gum, saved them for later). look! i said. a toy! we ran over to it and i said, "it's E.T! it's E.T!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" it wasn't until i picked it up that i realized it was actually a tiny little bird that had fallen out of its nest. not E.T. at all. and it looked exactly like the pecker (woodpecker, that is) on was on subway. i didn't finish my ice cream and i cried secret tears on the way home.

i'm not sure what to do with this blog, other than to observe that kids feel real sadness that stays in your brain for a really long time.