you call them rubbers, i call them something else, but definitely NOT rubbers

last friday, my coworker visited the ny office. he lives in hong kong and like many hong kong residents, he throws around the word “honky” with the greatest of ease. mind you, he wasn’t using the word “honky” to mean the pejorative racial slur for people of european descent. instead, he was using the word “honky” to mean anything from the hong kong currency, to hong kong itself, to the people of hong kong. but that didn't matter. it was still embarrassing because everyone around us was collectively bristling each time he screamed “honky” across the trading floor.

i, too, have been in this situation. for example, when i moved to the east coast, i quickly learned that east coasters don’t use the word “thong” when referring to flip flops (i.e. “hey, hold on, let me put on my plastic thongs on before we go to the beach”). another example: the british say “pants” when they mean underwear, underoos, boxers. and let's throw in thongs (of the undergarment variety) just to make things more complicated. when i was a visiting student at oxford, i actually said to my friend “i went to miss Selfridges today and found the most amazing pair of velvet paisley pants that i want to wear to the party tonight…what else am i going to wear with them? probably just a t shirt and heels." REEAAAAAL classy. oh, yeah, and let's not forget the time i told someone that her boyfriend was seen at a black tie event wearing a tux accompanied by a "nice vest and bow tie". how was i supposed to know that in the UK, a “vest” means “tank top”? that’s right, i had just told my friend that her boyfriend went a fancy schmancy ball dressed up as a Chippendale stripper.

all this just means that one has to constantly adapt to the local vernacular. sure, i grew up calling my athletic shoes “tennies”, but now i call them "sneakers" and when i was in england, i called them "trainers". so if *i* make the effort to conform, so should other people.

i was 22 years old when i got my first corporate job at a big consulting firm. i was nervous, unsure, and scared of anyone whose billing rate was higher than mine (which was basically EVERYONE, including joe, our forlorn mail sorter). i knew i’d be in for many new experiences, but never did i think this scene would unfold:

project partner: well good morning Irene! you’re here bright and early!
Irene: (nervously) heh heh. yeah. heh.
project partner: it’s really terrible weather out there with the snow and sleet. did you drive here ok?
Irene: actually, i spun out of control in the bright green, tin can mustang that hertz hands out like stale candy. i almost killed someone on the way to work, but the car stopped spinning after 4 rotations and so i’m -
project partner: well, that’s fantastic! now, let’s get down to business.
Irene: oh ok – here’s the powerpoint deck that i worked ---
project partner: but FIRST (reaching down)let me just whip off my rubbers…
Irene: (covering eyes) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
project partner: (clearly perplexed) what is WRONG with you?

important distinction: for dorky men over the age of 50, “rubbers” mean small plastic shoes that stretch over your fancy tasseled Florsheims. for people UNDER 50, “rubbers” mean something completely different.

And in England, “rubbers” means erasers.

PS: look what i found on wiki! “Prior to using rubber, white bread (without crust) was used to erase the mark of graphite pencil and charcoal.” i LOVE wikipedia almost as much as i love Suri Cruise. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eraser