2:30 am

so it's 2:30 am and i am wide awake. i don't remember the last time this happened to me, especially since starting my severely sleep deprived life on wall street 2 yrs ago.

i was actually dreaming of work when i suddenly awoke. wide awake. then i closed my eyes. then saw big gigantic snails in my minds eye. so then this time i voluntarily awoke because who wants to see that?

and now i'm unable to go back asleep and slightly bitter but more than slightly intrigued at how energized i feel after only 2 hours of sleep. hmm. weird.

i guess i'll go back to bed now and continue to be unable to sleep until right about when i need to wake up. at that point, i will probably be in the middle of the most crucial REM cycle. in the middle of the most amazing dream. in the middle of the height of cell reconstruction.

so if you see me tomorrow and i'm showing signs of lethargy, drowsiness, insaneability (made up word), and inability to operate heavy machinery, this is why.

i think i broke through my Rachel Ray addiction

it's bad for me.
it kills brain cells.
i do it in secret.
i continue to do it even tho i can feel myself growing dumber.
when ppl find out that i do it, they looked at me like i am a bad person.

by definition, c/o wikipedia (another addiction of mine) my rachel ray addiction was indeed an "engagement of behaviors despite clear evidence to the user of consequent morbidity and/or other harmful effects."

god.

i'm not even sure what it is about her show "30 minute meals" that drew me in. it started at the gym...for some reason, it was always on when i got to the gym after work. 30 minute meals fit perfectly into my 30 minute workout. there was something really weird about watching someone cook up a pot of macaroni and cheese while you were purging calories and sweat.

then, rachel creeped into my non-workout hours. maybe it's her raspy voice (female raspy voices have always been a facination of mine), my deep desire to make her over (why does she only wear primary colored shirts? they are way too tight. and her jeans are too tight. this leads to an unfortunate bulge that is reminiscent of that wrinkle in the back of a bald man's head.) or maybe it was trying to figure out what the HELL she meant by "EVOO" ("Extra Virgin Olive Oil). maybe it was her oft used thumbs up sign with her man hands that subconsiously validated deep seeded insecurities...as if rachel thinks that i'm alright. or maybe it's the way she describes mushrooms as "beefy".

i just don't know. but today i was channel surfing. and i felt the all too familiar excitement when i stumbled across rachel ray on the food network. endorphins filled my brain, reinforcing that what i was doing was a good thing.

but immediately, i got a counter feeling. my throat felt like it was closing in. my chest felt tight. i felt like i needed to sigh. i guess i finally did it. i OD'ed on rachel ray.

the last time i OD'ed on something it was Cheezits. i mindlessly ate the entire box then threw up neon orange goo 10 minutes later. i never ate another Cheezit again.

let's see if this works with ... ooh...a DVR-ed episode of The Hills...

be right back.