Sunday, March 29, 2009

inappropriate giggle syndrome



CONFESSION: i have inappropriate giggle syndrome. i've had it for about 20 years now, and as far as i know, there is no known cure.

i remember the exact moment when i thought to myself "gee, it feels so right and so wrong to be laughing right now." my brother and i were horsing around in front of our 344 surrey drive house in bonita, ca. i was lacing up my old school roller skates and my brother was working on his bicycle. he was tossing a screwdriver up in the air and catching it with the same hand. except something went all a bit wrong. the screwdriver slipped through his fingers and drove right through his foot and into the grass underneath. as time stopped for both of us, our jaws slack at the grotesque sight of foot shish kabob, i burst into laughter. and i'm not talking about a little giggle. i'm talking - DYYYYING of laugher.

WAIT WAIT WAIT! before you pass judgment on me, let me clarify the situation...the screwdriver didn't actually pierce his skin. it somehow wiggled its way right into the crack between his big toe and his second toe. I KNOWWWW! that's why it was SO FUNNY. well, no, that is NOT why it was so funny because i was laughing even before i knew it didn't pierce his skin. it's more accurate to say, "that's why it was funnIER".

before you go thinking that i'm a insensitive troglodyte, i did roll over to my brother with one pink roller skate THROUGH GRASS (do you know how difficult this is???) with my arms outstretched. mentally, i was prepared to pull the screwdriver out of his foot and suck all of the poison out of the wound (oh wait, i think that's what you do in a rattlesnake emergency). but, look. i was ready to put my mouth on his foot. that counts for something, right?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

i don't get it.




so...i'm asian, not hispanic, or latino? thanks for clearing that up.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

booooop!

I'm on the phone for about 75% of my day, talking to clients and getting voicemails.

You know what is really confusing?

When this happens:

*ring ring* *ring ring*

Client: Hi, it's CLIENT
Irene: Hey Client, it's Irene from xxx. Glad I caught you live because ---
*booooooooooooooop*

Listen people - don't make it so that your voicemail sounds like you're actually answering the phone. Even the standard automated voicemail is preferable. You know, the *robotic voice* "EYE-REEN KIM BOOOOOP" voicemail.

Don't play mean tricks on me. Change your voicemail.